Jason's 笔记本

It is that time of the semester again, recess week, a period where one might expect lots of rest and relaxation. And this was indeed true, at least for today.

The worst of the infamous "Hell Week" is over. I had my two quizzes, which I am fairly sure of failing. The two assignments due of me had been postponed to the coming Tuesday. But by the time it was annouced, I had already completed them. The reason for branding this particular week 'Hell' is not exactly definitive. One can say that having a lot of assignments to submit is a valid reason. Another is the weightage of it all. But for me, it was the fact that these tasks had to be done quickly and well resulted in late nights and early mornings where I had nightmares about my work. I was so caught up with everything, my personal life took a hit as well. I was barely contacting my girlfriend and my friends were chiding me for suddenly becoming anti-social. To top it off, my communications skills suddenly took a dive.

These are things which I cannot and would not deny. The truth is that I had to slog it out just so that I can protect my already mediocre honours. Now with the advent of recess, I thought I could make some sort of amends. Alas, this is not to be, as I realized all my coursemates are sticking to their studying schedules like the good little Singaporean students they are.

NTU students and I believe students from the other Government Universities are doing the same, fighting eye and tooth for good grades. I have friends and aquaintances who, for the sake of gaining an edge over their peers, actually lie to their friends. Conversations can often go

A: "How's your report coming along?"

B: "I have not touched it yet"

When B has actually finished the report.

Is this truely moral? I know that the grades are based on a distribution curve. And no one likes to have a bad grade. However, I seriously think that society's emphasis on grades has gone too far. If students can actually commit this sort of lies now to climb ahead, what else won't they do once they joined the work force? It appears that they are actually hoarding their knowledge for themselves rather than help their peers.

Pushing this aside, it also appears that SOME have embraced the idea of good grades as a measure of their skills and abilities in other areas. Why am I mentioning this point? Because, I think some people have to open their eyes and not be blinded by their success now.

I do admit that I am not a very good student in NTU. I do not get excellent grades. Neither do I do very poorly. In short, I am an average student. To me, that has already been a fall from grace from my hey-day in secondary school where my grades were rather outstanding. But I have accepted this fact as a reality and am prepared to move ahead in life with what I have at hand.

However, there is still one academic area in which I am still proud of and fiercely at that. That is my linguistic skills, namely English. I had devoted my verbal and written skills in this area since I was able to talk. Yes, I had developed the monikor of "Kan Dang", a Singaporean slang for an English proficient Chinese. I loved this language so much, I would have taken my degree in it if not for the limited job prospects in this area.

To me, English has fused to my blood. People can talk about 'nounces' & 'verbs' and I still will be unable to differentiate them. English to me, is natural. If it sounds correct to me, it is. And few people have found a way to argue around it.

To my ire, people in NTU apparently do not appreciate this. Writing a group report is frustrating for me, when I see all the errors in the sentences and cannot amend them. And that's because each time I do that, I can only tell them that it is FUNDAMENTALLY wrong and not explain it. Frustrating, yes. But it is not unbearable.

But, there is a limit to what I can take. I do not take well to criticisms. It throws me out of my comfort zone and shatters my self-confidence. And some 'friends', for want of a better word do not know where this limit is. They had made an attempt to correct my part of a report on my English, on the one thing left which I am proud of. I was extremely upset. Or more accurately, it pissed me off.

Hell week had worn me out mentally. I am entitled to mistakes. But making snide comments and stupid primary school analogies to me screams of people trying to make themselves sound and feel more superior than they already are. This is akin to the behaviour of a bully, kicking a big kid when he is down

It pissed me off so much, I had to run to a corner to yell my frustrations out. Just for the sake of clarity, I do not harbour any ill feelings towards anyone. But seriously, I am only human and am prone to bouts of anger and resentment.

Have the basic morals and social skills which are supposed to be integrated with our childhood development been forgotten and forsaken for a more materialistic and coldhearted society?